Dear FlyLady Diane,
As I sit here taking my 15 minutes of rest, I can’t help but reflect on this morning and the past few weeks. While on Skype this morning with my mentor, I had a few moments where I was brought to tears. I’m just amazed as much of a “front” I try to put on, my amazing mentor can see right through me.
She knew something was wrong. Not only was she right, but she knew EXACTLY what was wrong without me saying one word. I have been beating myself up for far too long. Even with this amazing group, I have managed to find a way to beat myself up.
Seeing all the amazing post and pictures of how well everyone is doing is just amazing. I’m truly happy and so proud of all of you. But then I started being negative towards myself. I wasn’t decluttering, I wasn’t doing missions, I wasn’t consistent with my routines. My mentor is helping me to realize that it doesn’t have to be PERFECT.
This is an extremely hard lesson for me. I am a true perfectionist! So much so that most people would never know I have clutter because I’m very good at hiding it! Because I want things to look perfect. I’m slowly learning through this program, that things don’t have to be perfect. I’m learning that I’m causing so much tension in my household because nothing is ever good enough.
I’m taking ALOT of baby steps to change that. Especially with my kids! I’m trying really hard to not come down on them. As some of you may remember, I had posted a LONG evening routine and morning routine for my daughter. Again, because of FlyLady D, I’m realizing what crazy expectations I have of my daughter.
I’m finally realizing how much she needs me. So the past 3 days I’ve been working with her on her shortened list of routines. I’m not harping on her, I’m not yelling at her, I’m remaining calm,quiet and non judgmental. I will say, the past 3 days have been the most amazing 3 days I’ve had with my daughter.
She would fight with me about anything and everything. Going to the bathroom, washing her hands, whatever I asked her to do, would turn into an argument. The past couple days have been pleasant and not because she has changed but because I stopped looking for her to be perfect!
So, Thank you FlyLady Diane, FlyLady, Alex, and all you amazing Flybabies for teaching me more than I ever expected to learn. I thought I was signing up to learn how to keep a perfect home. Instead I’m slowly learning to be ok with not being perfect. I’m learning how to be a better person, to not be so hard on myself and most important, I’m learning to be a better Mom!
This is an amazing experience and I’m truly blessed to be part of it! xoxo!!!